Leaders vs Followers

2 01 2014

Leaders Inspire.  Followers Obligate.

Leaders are okay with standing out, but do not require it.  Followers are scared of standing out, and require a group to blend in with.

Leaders embrace followers to show they are equal.  Followers shun those that are not a part of the group.

Leaders may not have all the answers, but they are willing to do the work to find them.  Followers only have the answers fed to them by the leader.

Leaders love the group. (Individually and as a whole)  Followers love the leader, and tolerate other followers.

Leaders are okay with being incorrect from time to time, for this is how they learn.  Followers hate being wrong, and are too preoccupied with teaching you to learn a thing.

Leaders don’t ask you to follow them.  You just do.  Followers insist that you follow them, even when everything in you says not to.

Leaders try new things that others fear or ridicule.  Followers try new things that are trendy.

Leaders love to think.  Followers love to have others think for them.

Leaders strive to create more leaders.  Followers strive to stay in the group.

Leaders hate “group think.”  Followers depend on “group think.”

Leaders encourage independent thinkers.  Followers strive to quell them.

Leaders only wish is for you to understand the lesson.  Follower’s only wish is to be like the leader.

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Love – Spread The Word Without Judging

31 12 2013
I am a follower of Christ and thus by default I love all people.  I am also a human and thus by default I am terribly flawed.  I believe the flaws inherently in us is part of the reason why we are told to avoid judging people.  We are also put here to be in community with one another and to form relationships with one another.  I believe that this is another reason why we are told to avoid judging each other.  Once someone places  themselves in a position to judge another, there is an automatic disconnect between the two.  There is no longer a community aspect, but it turns into a caste system of the elite showing the lowly the error of their ways.  If we as humans are equally flawed, then who are we to judge another.
There are plenty of reasons to avoid the judgment of others.  With that said, there is a huge difference between calling something a sin and judging people.  At times the appearance may be similar, but there remains a vast difference.  Now, the difference does have to be distinct and one’s intention has to be apparent to avoid the confusion.  As followers of Christ, the last thing we want to do it condemn someone “in Jesus name,” especially when His whole mission and purpose was to redeem us and save us from a greater judgment.  At the same time, we want to let the truth be told so that everyone is very clear on what our Lord expects.  Nobody wants to be told that they are a bad person, or doing wrong, especially when their personal moral system tells them different.
So how do we do this?  It seems like everyone that attempts this will be called out as judgmental or anti-whatever.  Just recently Phil Robertson from the show Duck Dynasty was called out as being anti-gay for trying to do this.  Numerous church leaders, athletes, musicians, movie stars, and celebrities have been called out as being anti-whatever for their stances and/or statements on subjects such as homosexuality, marriage, racism, gender equality, etc.  Well, I am not here to defend anyone’s decision, words, or actions.  I do have suggestions for how to better get one’s point across if you happen to have conflicting opinions or beliefs.  The key is in how to communicate these beliefs.
Before I get into the communication of these beliefs, first of all, we have to truly think about the issue and do some soul searching on our own thoughts and feelings on the subject.  The better you understand your own perspective, the better you can communicate it and the better you can deal with it.  Keep in mind, you are human.  You can change.  You can learn.  You can grow.  An example would be, if you have a problem with gay people, ask yourself, “what about them bothers me?”  Answer the question and ask other questions about that subject.
“Is it because it’s a sin?  Do I react the same way to other sins?  Lying is a sin too.  Why do I not react the same way?  If the sin of it isn’t the real reason, what is?”
Ask yourself until it gets awkward.  Go in depth so you have a truly full understanding of the root of your problem.  If you cannot be this brutally honest with yourself, then you have no right whatsoever to judge anyone.  By asking all these questions you are judging yourself as you should, and if you can’t stand up to it, keep your lips shut about others.  Once you get to the root of the issue, deal with it.  Learn acceptance.  This is necessary because you are living in a world where diversity is prevailant and will not go away any time soon, and if you are a Christian, your Lord requires it of you.  If you need counciling to do this, so be it.  Take this seriously, for if you don’t learn acceptance, they could be sinners all day, and you will be joining them in the sin category too, once again making you both equal in God’s sight.
Ok, so after you are done with this stage (it should take a while) then you should default to rules of engagement with people.  This is known as Jesus’ commandment to us as His followers.  (John Chapter 13 verses 33-35)  The passage basically says love one another as I loved you.  This is not limited to your friends and families, but goes to your enemies, strangers, and everyone.  When I say this, I mean that in all your conversations you have, default to love.  Make sure that if nothing else comes across in your speech, that the concept of love is primary.  If you are asked about if something is a sin, be straight forward on what the bible says, and immediately cover that statement with a statement about how God loves you and how YOU love them too.  Reach out to the people you are speaking about.  Have them in your community.  Embrace them as your own to show that love.  It’s really hard for someone to be seen as a racist or a bigot if they surround themselves with the very people that they are speaking about.  If you give your time and money to help the people you are speaking about, then who can really say you are uneducated about them or hate them?  Who hates someone so much that they are going to put all their life savings in a charity to help that person they hate?  Does that even make sense?
By doing these actions, you will quickly find yourself and your community growing.  You will make new friendships and alliances.  You will learn more about others and others will learn more about you.  People will appreciate you for what you do and eventually for who you are, and the same will occur for you.  But notice where all of this began?  You had to first have a GOOD understanding of yourself.  Please keep in mind that this has to be an ongoing process.  You have to keep sharpening the knife and understand who you are and how that stacks up with who God wants you to be.  From there, the rest is following his commandments and growing relationships with EVERYONE since we are supposed to love everyone.
Yes, this is MUCH harder to do than to say.  I am no expert at this, but I see this as a method that can help, and if I have something that can help you, why not share it with you?  Peace be with you my friend.




Note To Self…

18 12 2013
  • Anyone who is slow to apologize for their wrong doing is not worth investing time in.
  • Any woman who calls herself or her friends the term “Diva” is bound to be selfish at the core, regardless of how nice of a person they may seem to be.  Just stay away from them.  The reason is in the definition of the word.
  • Anyone who is disillusioned enough to make statements like “I can lose weight by doing Yoga” will never accomplish their goals.  They are too caught up in their own perceptions and will only be corrected by experience or someone they respect.  The last few words says it all.  (Bounce)
  • Beware of self-sabotaging people.  Some people just can’t live life without drama, so they will self-impose it when necessary.  (Example:  Moving cross country for a new job opportunity after less than a year, when you have an equivalent great job with a great company that is looking to promote you.
  • A person’s home environment is the physical manifestation of their inner being.  (Example:  If their mind is a cluttered mess, their home will follow suit.
  • Beware of people who care more about perception than introspection.  If they are so quick and willing to lie to themselves, how much more you?
  • Prayer is great, but prayer and work is better.
  • NOTHING will change if you do not work at it.
  • Anyone who is willing to kiss you before they know you is backwards.  You can’t build a house roof first.  (Really?  The hell is on your mind?)
  • People who hold secrets need to realize that eventually someone will find out what they are.  Better to not have any secrets.  (Example: Having a stint as a married man’s side chick;  A number of meaningless sexual encounters with Jose, etc.)
  • Mean what you say, say what you mean, or just don’t talk.
  • If someone is willing to work with you on something, take advantage if you really want it.  If not, be truthful about that too.
  • The words one uses to describe themselves says EVERYTHING about the person’s character.  Listen closely.
  • The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree (for the most part.)  Observe the tree and know the fruit.
  • Anyone who is hell-bent on being miserable needs to be left alone to their misery.  That is where they are the most content.  K.I.M.
  • Anyone who does excessive traveling/partying/drugs/alcohol is trying their best to escape something within their reality.  Watch the signs and move accordingly.
  • Anyone who excessively uses social media as an outlet to post an unordinary number of pictures, videos, or statements, with the (hidden) purpose of letting us know how awesome their lives are, is hiding something ugly.  Watch what you advertise.
  • Don’t use items to project a persona other than your own.  Life is too short to hate yourself so much that you need to try to be someone else.
  • Anyone that cannot show emotion easily is broken, fake or both.
  • Avoid those that will incite anger in you, however understand that we are all going through this life thing once and at the same time.  Focus on making the world a better place in your section.
  • If they don’t understand you, and you made several failed attempts to show them who you are, let them be.  They aren’t supposed to be in your life.
  • If they are too frightened to address you respectfully, stay you, stay cool, understand they are weak, and let it go without animosity.
  • Don’t focus on romance.  Focus on relationship.  Friends are the best if they are real.  They will always be there for you, if they are real.
  • If they don’t trust you, they don’t know you.  Make a decision to give them time to get to know you or not.
  • You can teach intelligence.  You can’t teach a good heart.
  • If she is trying to be something other than a woman, then accept that she isn’t what you are looking for.  (regardless of what she looks like.)
  • Reach out to those who stimulate your mind.  They are great friend material.  (Hi Ms. Moore!)
  • What you inspire is what I reciprocate.  (But this is hardly a new mantra.)




Move On – Heal Yourself

18 12 2013

No introduction.  I will get straight to the point.  You have to move on completely before that person that is perfect for you arrives. 

 Many people say they moved on, but it’s a lie.  People who moved on do not continue to listen to those, “empower yourself to move on” songs.  They don’t post those, “I am strong and I am moving on” meme’s.  They don’t constantly talk about what they don’t want out in a relationship bringing up the past failures of an ex. 

 These are signs that you are still fighting the battle to move on.  You will know that you moved on when you no longer have to actively try to empower yourself.  You no longer have to tell yourself how strong you are.  Your strength will be self-evident.  You no longer have to talk about how your ex ruined his or her shot.  You will be focused on the next personal victories you are about to accomplish, and they will have nothing to do with a romantic relationship.  You wont talk about peace, for you will be AT peace, and there is a BIG difference in that. 

 Don’t get me wrong.  I understand your struggle very well.  I have gone through/going through my own that has similarities.  You need time to mourn your loss.  I get it.  Take as much time as you need to do so.  This is why I know that eventually you have to go beyond knowing the path, to actually walking the path.





Honorable Actions

23 03 2013

The nice thing is not always the right thing.  You can spare someone’s feelings and ruin their life.  Sometimes you have to do the thing that will hurt them for the short term in order to save them from a future of greater pain.  I know that many people may agree in theory, but in practice, they either find it extremely difficult to accomplish, or they just plain change their mind at that time.  Honorable action prevents future hurt.  The problem comes about in a world lacking honor, such action is seen as being done with malevolent spirit.  Perhaps I will come back to this subject again in the future.  I had to plant the seed for this conversation with this entry. 





Expectation vs Expectancy

19 03 2013

Notes that I wrote in regards to a great lesson learned about how we relate to God and our fellow man.

Expectation vs Expectancy

Rules vs Action

 

Reference books:  The Shack by William P Young; The Bible

 

Expectation:  The act or state of expecting.  Looking forward or anticipating.  This leads to a set of actions that are Expected.  You can only be appeased or disappointed when you live by Expectation.  In order to please someone, they can’t expect the action.

 

Example:  A spouse expects flowers for Valentine’s Day. If you get flowers, the spouse will be appeased.  If you don’t get flowers, the spouse will be disappointed.  Anything provided above and beyond one’s expectation leads to pleasing the recipient.

 

Side note: Lower your expectations so you can increase your potential for pleasure.  When you expect little, you appreciate everything you get.

 

Expectancy:  The prospect of a future interest or  possession.

 

A noun becomes a rule.

A verb becomes an action (Verb:  action word)

 

-ancy: suffix used to denote state of quality.  Indicating an action.  (-ance; -ancy; -ence)

 

Nouns are dead.

Verbs/Actions are alive and full of life.

 

Example:  I have love.(dead)  Vs  I Love! (Alive)

 

When we say God is love, we need to think outside the constraints of a dead noun.  We have to see it as a verb.  His love is a verb, for it is constant and full of life on its own!  A noun is limited to itself.  A verb/action is limitless, especially in the context of God.  God is limitless!  God is a verb!

 

A bird is not defined by its shape, but by what it does.  (action)  Neither are we.  A tree is not defined by shape, but by what it produces. (action)

 

(I have to spend time with you today  vs   The anticipation of spending time with you.)

 

Rule vs Action.  There is a different sentiment between an expectation and having expectancy.

 

Expecation does not require me to act.  Only the other person has to act in order to live up to the expectation.  This is not a relationship.  This is a dictatorship.  (This is what I deserve.)

 

Expectancy requires that now I become an active part of the solution.  No judgments, just faith and excited waiting on what will happen next.

 

Living with Expectancy, no expectations frees us from disappointment, worry and doubt.  It also allows us to have hope, belief and joy abundantly.

 

Expectancy allows us to be hopeful and open to whatever comes our way.  This is how God’s love works.  Always open and hopeful of a better future.

 

Expectation is performance based and revolves around responsibilities.  This is the basis for Guilt, shame and is used to control others.

 

A living expectancy gives the power and opens the way for others ot respond without being constrained to an expectation, rule or responsibility.

 

The more we lean on expectations, the greater our capacity to judge others, the further we are from God.

 





Advice For Singles

26 02 2013

I did not create this.  I am not a councilor.  I got this information from a message called How To Love by Pastor James Marshall of Zion Church.

http://www.zionchurchonline.com

He had a special message for singles and these were part of the notes I took.  These notes are for me.  I need help with this.  If this helps you, great!  If you have questions, I can only answer from the perspective of what I learned.  Pastor Marshall may be able to help you out further.

Reading:

1 Corinthians Chapter 7

Genesis  Chapter 2 vs 7 to end.

John Chapter 15 verse 13

8 Points for Singles:

1. Health before happiness.  Heal First.  Me Time.

2. Purpose before process.

A. Why am I here?

B. Why am I pursuing marriage?

C. Define who you are looking for.

3. Dont underestimate the power of friendships.  Its easier to develop romantic feelings for someone you have a friendship with, than to develop a friendship with someone you have romantic feelings for.

4. Create a healthy pace for the relationship and maintain the pace.  Go through at least 4 seasons with your interest at each stage.  (1 year as friends.  1 year as a couple.)

5. Never look like something you aren’t.  Honor God.  If you aren’t married, don’t look like you are.  If you are married, don’t look like you aren’t.

6. Outside of marriage, sex is a setup for failure.  Sex was in part created to reunite the emotional bond between a married couple.  The other part was for procreation.  And always remember, Sex will always accomplish its purpose, whether you like it or not.  Whether you are married or not.  And if you are not married, you will experience this.

7. Make sure contentment is not based on another human being.  (General Life Contentment.)

8. Exhaust all possible resources before making a lifetime commitment.