Real Love vs Toxic Love

3 06 2012

I am no expert on this, so don’t even bother contacting me.  I saw a clip of this and decided to copy this for my own personal reference.  I am claiming no rights to this.  This however is excellent information and a personal check to anyone that is in a relationship.  I know some, including myself that desperately need this.


1. Love – Development of self is the first priority.

Toxic love – Obsession with relationship.


2. Love – Room to grow, expand; desire for other to grow.

Toxic love – Security, comfort in sameness; intensity of need seen as proof of love (may really be fear, insecurity, loneliness)


3. Love – Separate interests; other friends; maintain other meaningful relationships.

Toxic love – Total involvement; limited social life; neglect old friends, interests.


4. Love – Encouragement of each other’s expanding; secure in own worth.

Toxic love – Preoccupation with other’s behavior; fear of other changing.


5. Love – Appropriate Trust (i.e. trusting partner to behave according to fundamental nature.)

Toxic love – Jealousy; possessiveness; fear of competition; protects “supply.”


6. Love – Compromise, negotiation or taking turns at leading. Problem solving together.

Toxic love – Power plays for control; blaming; passive or aggressive manipulation.


7. Love – Embracing of each other’s individuality.

Toxic love – Trying to change other to own image.


8. Love – Relationship deals with all aspects of reality.

Toxic love – Relationship is based on delusion and avoidance of the unpleasant.


9. Love – Self-care by both partners; emotional state not dependent on other’s mood.

Toxic love – Expectation that one partner will fix and rescue the other.


10. Love – Loving detachment (healthy concern about partner, while letting go.)

Toxic love – Fusion (being obsessed with each other’s problems and feelings.)


11. Love – Sex is free choice growing out of caring & friendship.

Toxic love – Pressure around sex due to insecurity, fear & need for immediate gratification.


12. Love – Ability to enjoy being alone.

Toxic love – Unable to endure separation; clinging.


13. Love – Cycle of comfort and contentment.

Toxic love – Cycle of pain and despair.